Staring & its affects
Printed From: BodyMod.org
Category: General Chit-Chat
Forum Name: General Talk About Anything
Forum Discription: Talk about anything your little modded heart desires!
URL: http://www.bodymod.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4997
Printed Date: June/08/2023 at 9:47pm
Topic: Staring & its affects
Posted By: metalbabe
Subject: Staring & its affects
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 1:35am
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I'm quite sure that all of us have experienced the rude staring of people at some point or another. And most of us are so used to it that we don't take much notice of it nowadays.... At least i know i don't Staring is rude and a proof of ignorance from the part of the person who is staring for sure. But how does it affect those around us? The people close to us i mean.... One time i caught the bus with a workmate of mine, and she ended up telling me that before she realised that the stares were directed at me, she was feeling paranoid that there was something wrong with her. I didn't even notice anyone was staring... When i'm with my Sid, he's all the time on his guard, and commenting to people who are staring things like "you want a picture?" or "never seen anyone with blue hair?" - in a tone that he's willing to pick up a fight if provoked any further. Today he messaged me saying 'sorry but i can't take the staring any longer'......... That made me think... maybe i should dye my hair a darker colour. It won't stop the stares, but it might lessen them.......... For his sake, yes, i'm willing to do it. I won't allow people's ignorance to ruin my relationship. I told him i'm going to dye my hair a darker colour, and he said not to do it cos of him, cos this is who i am and he doesn't want to change me. But maybe it's time to tone it down a tiny bit...... I don't know what you guys (and women) think of this........ but what would you do? I'm at a loss. I do things for myself, not for others. I've done the mistake of changing for others in the past, and at the end of it all i always went back to my roots. But i think it might be time to grow up in attitude and do things in a less flashy manner - even though they are not intended to be flashy or shocking.... they're just intended to go along with what i'm feeling at the moment. Why do i feel i'm trying to justify my actions? Hmmm...... i dunno...... but anyway....... i learnt a while ago that to stand up for your rights can be done in two ways - with aggression, or with 'diplomacy'......... and with 'diplomacy' you're beating the mouse at its own game.... So. Any thoughts? ------------- Perplexing people since 1986 |
Replies:
Posted By: OMFGeLLii
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 6:49am
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I feel the same way sometimes.. My hairs a dark color right now because I got sick of the comments..and I got sick of my boyfriend having to say things to people. It does start to bug me that people can't just leave me alone and let my hair be orange or whatever color it is at the time. But it's how I like me. I go through these spurts of wanting to take out all my mods and just stop being judged and stared at..but I never do. I know taking them out would cause me way more pain then keeping them. They're a part of me. I love them. And if people can't accept that then fuck them. Seriously. We love ourselfs. That's all that matters. =] |
Posted By: ravenblaylock
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 7:03am
| dont ever change for any body ever . after i got my head tatted 2 so called friends wont go out in public with me any more and my girl left but fuck um all |
Posted By: Albaniod
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 7:06am
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I'm dying my hair bright purple soon, before puple I had bright blue, and before that I had bright pink.
People are just twinkies, I got fed up threatening people, I just let them stare, no matter what you do to try stop them they will just stare.
It's a shame that you feel the need to 'negotiate' in a way with people you owe nothing to. Toning down your hair might not even stop them but if your guy makes you feel like you should, then go for it.
Dying your hair is something reversible. Your not compromising yourself for him, you will still be you, just different hair colour. Never change your personality for anyone though... ------------- Current mods: 5mm lip labret, 2x Vert Labrets, 10mm Septum, 3.2mm Septum, Bridge, 2x Anti-Eyebrow, 2x Inner Conch, Rook. Removed: 'Snakebites', Tongue Webbing, 2x 5mm Lobes. Total Mods: 17 |
Posted By: sataninacaddy
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 7:34am
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Just yesterday I was at hardees for lunch with a co-worker and were leaving, as I got in my vehicle a larger guy walked by my door, he stared in with a troubled look on his face... I just stared straight back into his eyes. He continued walking and every couple steps he'd glance back and stare like he thought i was following him, all I did was stare back at him and give him "The look" I actually get quite ammused now at it, I'm so used to it... ha ha... ------------- Don't force your religion on others, inform them and let them choose! 
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Posted By: cherry_slices
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 7:39am
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haha yea, people give me the stares, my hairs been every colour of the rainbow, right now its blonde/blue. my stares usually come from what i wear, not my mods, seeing as a lot of them arent really visable.
but anyways, enough about me! metalbabe, if toning it down is something you want to do for yourself or your own sanity i say sure, but if your doing it to please the general public i say fuck 'em. this is the 21'st century, we're allowed to express ourselves in any fuckin way we choose and if they dont like it, they dont have to look (which they seem to have problems understanding) ------------- Shes Back. |
Posted By: socialcoma
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 11:37am
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I guess it depends on who is staring. In some cultures...Indian, some Asian staring is not considered rude or ignorant. People migrate and bring there culture with them so remaining tolerant and aware is helpful for me. Personally i enjoy being really nice to them because most people are blinded by their sterotypes of the "mean or weird" person. I'm not either.. at least most of the time im not. Mods don't make a person anything except tolerant of pain in my book and even that is subject to change....god if my nipples don't heal soon i'm retiring them !!!
so smash the way they perceive you and we all become free . by by the way...
isn't this a case of racism/prejudice...you the "normal" person judge me the "abnormal" person by the color of my skin and the texture of my hair.
it's painful to be racist so it helps me to keep that in mind and try to cultivate a bit of compassion for the poor normies. they may never know the pleasure of a quality mod.
------------- they come with there umbilical cords in hand, looking for a place to plug them in |
Posted By: XGenevieveX
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 11:47am
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Physical traits don't matter, don't think that because you change the way you look that your changing you. As long as you remain the same in the inside then your not conforming 2 the 'norm'. I used2have purple hair, now i'm the blonde haired blue eyed gal at work, i dress up smart, hide my piercings but still inside i love things that are different. And i agree, it is just ignorance. But you don't have to look different to everyone to be an individual...we're all born individual with our own little quirks and dying your hair to a darker colour isn't going to take any of that away from you. Hope i make sense, sometimes i confuse myself....xxx
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Posted By: OpheliaImmortal
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 12:16pm
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I hardly ever notice people staring, but if i do see someone staring, i normally just give them a smile, to me, they are just staring because they are curious.
I have a bad habit of staring at people who look 'different' but that's normally 'cause, i think they look good and i know i don't mean the staring in a bad way so i understand not everyone stares at me in a 'bad way'
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Posted By: Tophurious
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 12:28pm
| you know, I don't even notice anymore. My wife does and she's aggressive about it. She's contemplating printing off a bunch of wallet size pictures of me so when they stare she can give em a picture and say "This way you can stare without pissing the person your staring at off"... Its funny, adults are always telling their kids "Don't stare its rude" But the adults are the ones who are staring and commenting on it... Along the lines of staring, are the comments made behind your back... I don't so much care, but when they say the comments in spanish and I don't know what they are saying it kinda pisses me off... if you want to talk about me fine I dont care, I just want to know what the fuck your saying about me. |
Posted By: Shelliokin
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 1:56pm
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Interestingly enough, I have never considered this subject until I read your post. I used to get stared at a lot, I realized it was because I was going out of my way to essentially say "if you're not going to like me based on my looks, let's get it over with." I toned it down and now people are more comfortable asking me questions based on their curiosity versus just staring. At the same time, New Mexico has pretty much seen it all and from what I've heard you say about Malta, it's generally less than accepting when it comes to mods... period. If you want to dye your hair, go for it. This is a fairly fresh relationship, right? I can see how the stares might be a bit overwhelming for him. Perhaps a different hair color (superficial as it may be) might be just the thing to ease him into everything. At the same time, I'm going to tell you what my piercer told me the day I got my eyebrows pierced. He had mentioned that I'd probably wake up the next day with two black eyes and I felt the need to whine "but I've got a date tomorrow!" My piercer replied "Hey, if he's in it for the long run, he's going to have to accept that this is an aspect of who you are." ------------- And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. |
Posted By: Steazy Crack
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 2:07pm
way to be... I've been trying my hardest to act this way and have always liked doing it, I work at a health food store that is'nt filled with people like me working there, I have some visible tats and well my conch and lobes are always visible, I've gotten a wide array of nasty looks to 80 year old women asking me some of the coolest questions about my ears and they never once asked them in a shitty manner, I think it would go a very long way for the modded community if we stopped giving back the shitty looks and asshole comments and walked around smiling and saying hi to everyone, I'm not saying I do this constantly and sometimes it is difficult being nice to someone who is a total asshole and has no respect or care for diversity but I've noticed the friendlier I am with people the less they give a shit if I have dreads (cut em off again) or if I have large amounts of tissue missing from my face or if my hair is colored like a fucking rainbow. |
Posted By: socialcoma
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 4:07pm
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i think that alot of the time the stares are out of curosity. who among us isn't guilty of that. how many hours a week do we spend looking at what other people do to their body's or our body's. the key for me here is to remain open minded and nice to people. there so much judgemental bullshit in regular culture that alot of us find our way into an alternative.. then we turn on ourslves and others by pulling the same shit by being overly judgemental of someones personal tastes in art.who can blame us, it's what we are conditioned to from birth by society. i am by no way exempt fron this category but i enjoy watching my own ignorance, we're all fucking human right ?well let's enjoy it and be nice for a change.even to people that are rude.
I LOVE your homemade tattoo that looks like shit( READ THIS) in my opinion. I think it's absolutley great. you know why? because you express yourself with it. it's my opinion,who cares what my opinion is do you like your tattoo or genital bisection or whatever it is that you do to your body?
it's not who you are but a representation of something that you enjoy. I'm glad you are enjoying life through and with art.
the funny thing is that all of humanity is doing it. we the modded just choose to do it so that it is visible to the world or choose to keep it invisible to the world and go undercover in a disguise.
it's in the heart people not on your sleeve.
------------- they come with there umbilical cords in hand, looking for a place to plug them in |
Posted By: dragonfly
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 6:03pm
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honestly, i know what your talking about. but i'm finally happy with myself the way i look, i couldnt do anything differant because everything i do is just me. the world doesnt really effect desicions any and i wouldnt change for any man that couldnt deal with the stares. for love you should be willing to go through that bullshit. if it was going to end because he couldnt handle it, in my opinion, he ain't got what i want in a man. and to tell the truth i've had more relationships end over guys finding out that i dont just look and dress like a freak, i dont put on any show to piss off the "normal", i'm really a freak, im definatly a lot weirder than i look once you get to know me. ------------- its just one of those fucking days. |
Posted By: witchy_kitty
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 6:38pm
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I used to get stares when my hair was purple & when it was pink, but I don't really care. If someone doesn't like it they can fuck off. But, if it's going to hurt your relationship you'll just have to decide if you truly think it's worth it. personally my boyfriend is the only person who I truly care what he thinks of me. If he asked me to change my hair color, I honestly would. ------------- Quick to judge Quick to anger Slow to understand Ignorance and prejudice And fear walk hand in hand...Rush;Witchhunt |
Posted By: menteith
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 6:44pm
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I got a lot of stares when I got my scarification done, and it was still open, but about 1/4 of the time people would walk up and start talking to me about it, which is more than fine with me. The more people know... Changing your hair color, jewelry, mods as a whole, well, that's your call. If you want to dye it a "natural" color, or pink and green with neon orange stripes, go for it. It's your body, and it's something that's easily changeable, so whatever you think's best. It's not like you're a traitor for dyeing your hair a different color. ------------- "Rise and fall, Turn the wheel, 'Cause all life is, Is really just a circle..." |
Posted By: iamstrangepants
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 9:26pm
| I stare when im curious about something, or if i think its cool. Its a bad habbit but you have to think when your being stared at the person might just be curious or interested in something, not necisarily offended by it |
Posted By: freckledimple
Date Posted: March/08/2007 at 9:27pm
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At present I have a small social circle and don't go out much. The only big mod that shows right now is my ears. Most people, when they see me, don't really stare; they usually say "ouch". To the few stares I do get, I just give 'em my big sweet southern gal grin, and that usually throws them off. Do what you feel you need to Metalbabe; it's your life and your decision. ------------- |
Posted By: 1piercedguy
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 1:15am
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sometimes i forget my appearance is not "normal", lol , and people will be staring at me and i'll get self conscience like my barn door is open and mr wiggles is poppin out for a little fresh air. then i'm like oh yeah they are just sheltered hahaha |
Posted By: mephistopheles
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 2:59am
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i will admit i can be very defensive while walking down the street with my boyfriend. he, on the other hand, accepts the catcalls and insults as "serves me right for walking down the street, mephy." however i've taken to calling the cops on the ones whose comments are too sexual or violent. that said, i don't get as many stares or comments as i used to. and then some of the little kids are really cute about it, and it's good for everyone's mindset to be exposed to things they're not used to. people get desensitised after a while. it's just a matter of time. ------------- Autogynephilia: As if you wouldn't. |
Posted By: metalbabe
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 3:10am
hehe nice one, 1piercedguy  i told him i'm thinking of dyeing my hair a darker colour.... he said 'you don't need to do it. don't do it cos of me. you're you and i dont want you to change'. i'll still get stared at, i know. very few people have the amount of piercings i do, and i only know 1 woman on the island with a chestpiece tattoo (who is over 50 yrs old, and the wife of a tattoo artist)....... along with another girl who spread her halfsleeve towards her chest (don't know her personally, but my tattooist does her ink). So yeah, mods will still be a reason for people to stare, hold their bridge and go "ouch" my hair's been pink, green, purple, red (3 different shades), blueblack and now a bright blue........ plus it's always been either with an undercut, shaved off completely, or as it is nowadays, a mohawk. so i'm used to it - my Sid's been there too back in the old days when he had his hair a bright red mohawk and he used to spike it up Sid Vicious style (hence the nickname Sid). but he grew over it. As much as he loves my hair as it is, i think he'd love it not to be the way it is since it draws too much attention. But yeah, we'll see. So far it's still blue. Maybe i'll put in blueblack streaks instead of dyeing it all blueblack. or maybe i'll make it a dark purple  i dunno, we'll see.And as regards the staring.......... some of it i grin back at the staree or go "hello" and they ask me stuff. but sometimes it's followed by negative comments ranging from loud whispers of "did you see her?" to "yuck" being yelled at my back. To which the 2 finger salute is always a valid reply. ------------- Perplexing people since 1986 |
Posted By: 1piercedguy
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 2:40pm
| the other day i heard a kid ask his mom why does that man have bright red hair and the mom was just like because he can honey. it made me laugh but it was a good answer |
Posted By: freckledimple
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 5:50pm
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I like that mom's answer. I may just have to use it when people ask me why:D
------------- |
Posted By: witchy_kitty
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 8:12pm
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great answer, lol
------------- Quick to judge Quick to anger Slow to understand Ignorance and prejudice And fear walk hand in hand...Rush;Witchhunt |
Posted By: CheeseStix
Date Posted: March/09/2007 at 8:39pm
| So many good responses... I take each stare as it comes personally, if I think the person is just curious or whatnot, I love to smile and start a conversation.. Ive made a number of new friends that way. Occassionally though when i get the obviously rude, disgusted, or perverted comments/stares i WILL just stare back. Thus far, no ones ever stood for it. Apparently we, the modded, are too "creepy" and most people just walk away. My hairs currently black and neon green, and for a week or so I got more stares than ever before, because my gf accidently got the same colours... it was interesting. the only time i got more stares than when it was hot pink.. but i love it |
Posted By: OpheliaImmortal
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 11:57am
haha That's a great answer
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Posted By: CheeseStix
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 1:37pm
| Gotta ask u guys, cuz this happened again today. I went out for some food, and had a kid stare at me, then hide behind their mother like I was some kind of freak or monster... now how does this make everyone feel, as Im sure its happened as much, probably more, to others.. and what the hell do u do in this situation? |
Posted By: freckledimple
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 1:55pm
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Well, being a woman, I usually try to give them my nicest smile and do a cute little finger wave at them. But, mine are usually just open stares because all that shows at present are my ears. I haven't done anything with my hair, because I'm growing it out to donate. I have been tempted to dye a lock or two, but haven't figured out a good placement yet. ------------- |
Posted By: metalbabe
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 6:21pm
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with kids, i usually grin and say hi or wave. it's when the mums or
whatever realise and hide them away that ruins it really. might as well
yell "witch witch you're a witch" to my face then. ------------- Perplexing people since 1986 |
Posted By: pseud
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 9:35pm
Just ignore it, accept it or stare back....It really depends on the type of person you are. Maybe 50 years from now society will have adapted to the ever-growing trend of body modification. Staring is going to happen. Kids that have never been subject to such things should never be blamed.... Hell, I would have been shocked to shit too at that age seeing some of the things I see now. The way I was raised, though, was limited to biker and jail house tats at most. You're goal should be to keep defining yourself through whatever form of expression...music, art, tattooing a breakfast plate on your head...whatever.
------------- "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." -Ron Paul  |
Posted By: meomy76
Date Posted: March/12/2007 at 11:26pm
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Starring isnt the big break through that you have discussed in your story. What scares you is that you are thinking of changing, and change is scary shit. If you dig really deep into what you said you could see that you have discovered that you are in love with someone else enough to give up a little of whom you are. That is the best gift anyone could receive. What is better yet is he told you he didnt want you to change. That means that he wants to make you happy also. As long as the two of you are willing enough to give this much, there shouldnt be anything as dumb as stares that could come between you. Love one another and let people look, they are just interested in things that are different, they might even find you uniquely beautiful. |
Posted By: metalbabe
Date Posted: March/13/2007 at 7:14pm
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that's a nice thought well, maybe you're right. i have lost touch with myself more than once, and it's like the awkward silence between two people who were the best of friends, then lost contact, and then meet up again and find they have absolutely no idea who the other person is nowadays. i'm getting my hair blueblack... or jet black. dunno. depends on which i decide is the most unnatural and it'll be my spring equinox celebration ------------- Perplexing people since 1986 |
Posted By: ProfMiscreant
Date Posted: March/17/2007 at 11:20pm
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Ive always come from the school of thought that doesn't give a fuck about what the person next to me thinks about my actions/appearance. One should be free to express themselves however they feel; whether it's enjoying having unusual hair color/style/tattoos/piercings/etc/etc or wearing a collar and tie or wearing some sports teams logo on a shirt. For people who stare? Remember that they have no idea who you are, so how can they possibly judge you in all seriousness? I use others rudeness to my advantage as motivation for aiming for extreme success in life, school and work. So far its worked beautifully. Good luck. And remember when you get a horrified expression: smile politely. ------------- I stand by that. Ya wanna fight about it? |
Posted By: stiffler
Date Posted: March/18/2007 at 5:22am
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it's just plain rude,for the same reason that we let them be for the way they are,i think no one has the right to stare,in this case make other people feel different by staring at them,so we chose to be different...no biggie right? but then again some people have the knack of staring at people/events that seem peculiar to them,i just don't mind them and if you sometimes look at them too,they will look the other way and pretend that they weren't even looking at all...people! ------------- " i firmly believe in the use of reason as force and not in the use of force as reason... " |
Posted By: finessvaness
Date Posted: March/29/2007 at 9:51pm
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Usually when people stare at me, and believe me, I get stared at alot, aparently shaving 3/4 of your head and dying it various colors isn't "normal" (plus I have facial piercings to boot), I just wave at that with the biggest smile and say something like "Hi, Will you Be My Friend!". Normally people will instantly break eye contact and walk a completely seperate direction, sometimes they yell obscenities like "Fuck off Freak" and shit, and then sometimes they just laugh and walk away. I've even had people follow me around the grocery store for 20 minutes until they've had enough of a gander at me. The list goes on and on too, the best story happened when I was working as a kitchen worker and I had clear plugs in, an old man came into the kitchen and complained to my supervisor that I was unsanitary because I had "those things" in my face. It's just one of those things you have to live with, we can't go changing for people just because they feel uncomfortable. Personally, I won't change for anyone, and I won't change anyone for that matter. ------------- Bed with me tonight, but forget me tomorrow. |
Posted By: Shelliokin
Date Posted: March/31/2007 at 5:42pm
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Interestingly enough, after I read through this when it was first posted, I started noticing stares. Mainly directed at my leg, I was walking around in shorts and the brand was healing and in it's scabby and gross stage. The people I caught staring that I didn't know, I'd catch their eye and smile. A lot of times they'd look away embarassed. One guy took that as an all clear to say "that's a brand, right? I've seen pictures online, but I've never seen it in person" and then he asked a few questions about pain factor, healing time, and how it looks when all is said and done. The guy that I knew that was staring (I work with him), I just said "if you have any questions, feel free to ask." He said "That's not a tattoo, is it?" I said "No, it's a brand." He said "Good, I know tattoos shouldn't look like that, I was kinda worried." As for kids, I get a lot of stares. But I did before getting visable mods. I usually just wave and smile and a lot of times they'll giggle and hide behind mom. That's just being shy, though. And the mom will usually look down at the laughing child, look up at me, and smile. Done and done. Kids are innocent and curious... that's how they learn. There has to be a first time for everything. Next time you see a kid hiding from you, take some time out to see if you're scowling or looking otherwise mean. I lived the first six years of my life in a town with only white people. Then we moved to New Mexico and you bet your ass I stared at the black and hispanic people, I had never seen anyone like them in real life before! ------------- And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. |
Posted By: fingers
Date Posted: March/31/2007 at 7:23pm
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Myself n 2 friends had 2 make several journeys up 2 preston n then blackpool crown court because 2 guys makin crap comments about facial piercings trying 2 show people up in front of the females which ended up costing us £350 fine £250 court costs n 180 hours community service each n any1 who's ever done any community service knows is the most demeaning shitty punishment known 2 man but ultimately it does work!
i for one would rather pay extra on the fine but those toffee nosed stiff lipped bums on the bench know community service really does f**k us up n so lose no sleep dishing it out willy nilly,
I consider myself fortunate with my punishment because im sure there must b a great deal of folk that av had 2 do a short/long stint in prison or on the other hand had the crap beaten out of them all because some tossers cant just grow up n accept us.
it would b good 2 hear stories from any1 who been 2 jail or hospital regarding this issue.
------------- I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde. |
Posted By: socialcoma
Date Posted: March/31/2007 at 8:53pm
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what? ------------- they come with there umbilical cords in hand, looking for a place to plug them in |
Posted By: fingers
Date Posted: April/01/2007 at 4:05am
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R u sayin u dont personally know any1 that got fed up of staring idiots or derogatory remarks being cast at them? do u indeed have any facial piercings? if not then u cant appreciate the crap we have 2 live with.
what indeed!!! ------------- I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde. |
Posted By: pseud
Date Posted: April/01/2007 at 11:59pm
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you use too many "u"s and "2"s.
I still like ham. ------------- "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." -Ron Paul |
Posted By: metalbabe
Date Posted: April/02/2007 at 2:19pm
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ham is corpse. anyway, i can't wait to get my next mod! ------------- Perplexing people since 1986 |
Posted By: pseud
Date Posted: April/02/2007 at 2:26pm
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corpse is tasty.
?
Me either, gonna go with my septum and nipple project soon. ------------- "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." -Ron Paul |
Posted By: fingers
Date Posted: April/02/2007 at 3:02pm
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It saves a bit of ink. LOL ------------- I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde. |