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trimbackwifey
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Quote trimbackwifey Replybullet Topic: How to deal with a spouse disliking body mods?
    Posted: September/26/2012 at 6:08pm
First post here!

Anywho, I'm having a little bit of a dilemma. I am married and love my husband dearly. My birthday is coming up and they have a deal going on where you get one free piercing on your birthday. So I was planning to go and get a rook or tragus piercing done since it'd save me from having to pay for since I wanted it anyway. This sparked a conversation with my husband about how he really doesn't want me to get any more tattoos/piercings and basically how he isn't very fond of the ones I have now. He thinks I'll end up covered from head-to-toe in them and that I'll look disgusting.

I had all my piercings and tattoos done before he and I ever got together (I also had a septum, but after 6 months, it still wasn't healing well, so I gave up on that venture). But he never said anything that bold or flat out said he hated them before, and it kind of hurt. The most he's said in the past is "I just still want to be able to see your beautiful skin." and I can understand him not wanting me entirely covered in them, but he really doesn't want me to get any more, ever.

That'd be all fine and good, except I do want more. I want my lip pierced, my tragus, my rook, an industrial bar, and probably upwards of 10 total tattoos. Not all at once of course, but over time.

How do I handle this? I'm honestly at a loss.
Please no, "leave him", "tell him to shut up" stuff. I know it's my body, but by marrying him, I made the decision to also respect him and respect his opinion.


Edited by MontanaPiercer - September/27/2012 at 11:43am
19. Happily married. <3
Current mods: 5 piercings, 4 tattoos.
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BigMikeHOOKED
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Quote BigMikeHOOKED Replybullet Posted: September/26/2012 at 7:57pm
My advice is to have a nice sit-down conversation where you discuss your side as well as seriously listen to his. Then try to come up a compromise you can both live with. This is sometimes easier said than done, I know, but worth a try
"stay true to your obsessions" V. Vale
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freckled20
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Quote freckled20 Replybullet Posted: September/26/2012 at 7:58pm
Communicate with him. Tell him this instead of bmod. We are not the ones you are married to, and not the ones you have to live with. Your best bet is to sit him down and try to talk to him about what your future mod goals are, etc... see what he says. Overall, it is YOUR body, not his. Of course you'll take your husband's opinion into consideration, but at the end of the day, you're going to do what makes you happy.
Don't judge me monkey...
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Cale
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Quote Cale Replybullet Posted: September/26/2012 at 8:59pm
Originally posted by BigMikeHOOKED

My advice is to have a nice sit-down conversation where you discuss your side as well as seriously listen to his. Then try to come up a compromise you can both live with. This is sometimes easier said than done, I know, but worth a try


This pretty much sums up what I would have wrote here. Communicate with him then compromise. If you want to respect his wishes, that is wonderful, but he needs to also respect your wishes. There is nothing wrong with sitting him down and talking to him about it.
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PainfullyPoetic
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Quote PainfullyPoetic Replybullet Posted: September/26/2012 at 9:49pm
Welcome to bodymod! Seeing how I am not in your situation and have never been able to change the view people have of my piercings, I don't think I can be of much help.

There are others here that will be able to give you better advice. But, I should say this. If your not hurting anyone, you should be able to do what you want. That is a very broad statement though, so please don't take it out of context.

Has anyone ever gotten divorced over a mod? Probably, Unfortunately.

Good luck and may your mods shine upon you!
I am pierced, therefore I am.
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sh4ky
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Quote sh4ky Replybullet Posted: September/27/2012 at 3:03am
Same advice as others here-. Communication with respect for the other party's opinion. However, there is the point to be made that body mods are decoration (most with meaning though) and you are essentially still the same person your hubby loves, even with them.

Perhaps another angle to come from is participation. This could be part of the compromise that Big Mike and Cale mentioned. If you can get your husband to help with an idea for a tattoo or piercing that he likes that you agree on having placed on you then start and go from there.

Good luck!!
You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be
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standingtyping
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Quote standingtyping Replybullet Posted: September/27/2012 at 1:46pm
You do need to talk to your partner- my manshape had a few qualms about some of my plans and when I explained to him that this is my version of going to the gym or getting my nails done, as in this is how I achieve the esthetic that I desire to feel like the me I am meant to be, he became truly supportive.

Of course he also admitted he knew without a doubt that I would follow through with my plans no matter what, and it turns out that is part of what he loves about me.
"One day we will be the most awesome crazy cat ladies EVER...
people will know us."
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randy flagg
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Quote randy flagg Replybullet Posted: September/28/2012 at 5:28pm
Remember that there is some really sweet glass jewelry out there. You can wear clear stuff most of the time and put in some bling when you are stepping out.
Compromise: You still get the piercing but he won't see it most of the time so when you are around the house you still look the same but extra shiny on the weekends.
Violence with grace...
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Ann1
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Quote Ann1 Replybullet Posted: October/14/2012 at 2:39pm
I am in a similar situation, my partner of 6 years has no mods , has no plans to get any and defiantly doesn't like them that has never stopped me from getting any I have 12 piercing and 18 tattoos , which includes a large one on my neck coming down and across my chest. He has never said I shouldn't get any thing done just that his option is he doesn't like them but he also says you love a person for who they are not what they look like. Love is a lot more than appearance .
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lowball84
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Quote lowball84 Replybullet Posted: October/25/2012 at 5:30am
I'm sorry your having to deal with this. I can only speak from my experience but I to have had to deal with this. My Girlfriend (Wife) does not like me stretching as I do. We did have a long talk about it and I just explained to her that I love her and would do anything for her (yes even stop stretching), but at the same time I told her how happy it makes me and that I'm not tring to hurt myself. Some time has gone by but not only did she understand but she now helps with my goal, she has come to understand how proud it makes me when I'm able to stretch a little further and I believe our love is stronger. Good luck.
I love to stretch, we rock!
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