A part of this for me is very much my situation and age. In my early 20s I was fairly commitment phobic and happy to mess around with male friends. But since the age of 25, I've raised my son alone and changed a lot as a person. Now I crave companionship and stability and someone to share my life with. I have great friends, both male and female, but I simply don't need or want more friendships in  my life. I want a partner to grow old with and share the frustrations and joys of domesticity, and to be a good step father and role model to my son. Another guy who rejected me and relegated me to the position of "friend" would only bring me more heart ache and sorrow. I could have a 1,000 new friends but they wouldn't bring me what I need from life, which is a special life-long companion. Friends have their own lives and own families. I want that too.

 

 

 

Friendships shouldn't be that hard and that is why i couldn't attempt it with my most recent ex. To  make matters worse, a month after our friendship ended, he got engaged to the woman he'd dumped me for AND i work with him. It's just a nightmare all round. When they marry I know it will kill me. I'm just not strong enough to support him as a friend.

 

I am a very very emotionally intense person. When I don't like someone I let them know pretty quickly but when i do like them, I fall very hard and get very quickly attached. The rest of the time I'm extremely indepedent and strong willed. I'm a weird mix of traits really. I always just seem far too much for blokes to handle as a girlfriend but as a friend I'm generally seen as funny and laid back and someone to party with and get drunk with, hence my view that I'm not girlfriend material.

 

*sigh* I dunno, I'm sick of analysing myself.

 

haha! i wish i was a bunny boiler= it would make more sense to me than all the guys who have ever rejected me wanting to stay in touch with me (and meaning it! i know some guys trot out the old "let's stay friends" as a dumping line, but these guys have actually meant it). it's far more confusing than them wanting rid of me completely.

 

and oh yeah i always fall for the complicated type of bloke who can never fully commit. my most recent ex has been jumping around between different women and cheating for all of his life. of the other three, one is verging on being an alcoholic and is a serial cheat. one is a commitment phobe and has been single for most of his life. the married one also cheated on every gf he had until he got his act together after his daughter was born. i can see that none of them would have been good for me but it would just have been nice for once if i could've been the one whose feelings changed rather than vice versa. it seems every guy i've ever loved has stopped loving me first.

 

i can see now in my life that i have rejected the straight forward guys that have been into me. i haven't done it on purpose but it's like i subconsciously desire the drama when i really really don't want it any more. i just want a normal relationship.

One is a serial cheat and alcoholic. Another has been single for longer than me and

 

I've spent the vast majority of  my adult life single and as such I'm very accustomed to it. I survive pretty well and don't need a bloke financially or practically, I'm very independent that way. However, I'm now at the stage where I would like that companionship and possibly more children in the future. I am close to my family and I love my son to bits but one day he will grow up and forge his own life and I just see my middle age stretching out before me in a very lonely way if I am still single. I know that's not logical, I'm only 30, but it's hard to shake that vibe at the mo.